Not Invulnerable

Not Invulnerable

Trust flows between us,

a ribbon of years collecting

growing until the tragic break. 

A thoughtless word,

a look,

a laugh,

a glance at another who shares your displeasure. 

My inadequacy becomes your superiority,

and I fall. 

Words fail. 

Knowing you are right, I laugh with you. 

If I let you know the pain you have caused,

you will know where it is. 

The chink in my armor,

my Achilles’ heel,

the vulnerability I extended to you

becomes your weapon of choice. 

I wrap my pain about me as a shield.

I have heard you speak of others and know it must be so of me when I am not there.

What fatality did you see in me

that you must share with others in my absence? 

Just what did you expect? 

Have I not told you all along that I am a joke,

a veil of coverings over

the real me that I too despise?

Why then should your betrayal surprise me? 

I know the balance of the scale

or lack thereof. 

The tipping to the side. 

At times the weight of my faults bears down so hard

the light goodness in me is catapulted off the other side. 

Resolve. 

I steel myself and beg God to guard my lips and eyes

that I might not cause such pain. 

Still

I know my guilt. 

Forgive me for the pain I have caused. 

Do not pay attention to every word people say,
       or you may hear your servant cursing you-

for you know in your heart
       that many times you yourself have cursed others.

Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 (New International Version)